If You Fall
by Kelcat
Summary: Facing a moment of doubt, Adrian Cousland finds comfort in an unexpected place.


Fill for a kinkmeme prompt: "Anon would really like some hurt/comfort between a momma's boy M!Cousland and Zev. Doesn't have to end in sex, but anon would love some slow, molten lovemaking occurring. Maybe with Zev wondering why he cares so much even while whispering soothing nothings? Anon doesn't know, but anon needes this."

This was actually my first attempt at hurt/comfort, and it wound up being much harder to write than I'd thought it would.

* * *

Zevran woke up in his tent, shivering. They were camped near the Frostback Mountains, and though the temperature was above freezing it was still too cold for his Antivan blood. Burying his head under the blanket he turned over to snuggle closer to his lover for warmth, only to find the other half of the bedroll empty.

Opening his eyes he saw only darkness; not yet morning then. Sighing, Zevran got up and donned breeches and a shirt and left the tent to go in search of Adrian. Normally he would be inclined to leave the nobleman be and go back to sleep, but the Warden had been acting strangely all day and Zevran was concerned.

He told himself that his worry was perfectly reasonable; if there was something wrong with the party's leader it could be dangerous for them all, especially Zevran. He was well aware that Adrian was his shield from the Crows, it was in the assassin's best interests to keep the man safe.

Of course, his growing affection for the Warden was worrying as well, but for entirely different reasons. It was one thing to share the man's bed, but to actually feel—

Zevran quickly cut off that line of thought, not willing to dwell on that particular subject.

Heavy footsteps echoing on the ground told him that Shale was on watch. "The painted elf is looking for the Grey Warden." He nodded. "It wandered off into the trees over there." Zevran set off in the direction that the golem was pointing, cursing Adrian for going off into the woods by himself in the middle of the night.

After a few minutes of searching through the trees in the dark, and fervently wishing he had brought his cloak, he finally located Adrian in a small clearing, seated on a fallen log. Zevran approached soundlessly, but Adrian turned his head toward him nonetheless.

"Zev? What are you doing out here?"

Zevran gave him a softly reproaching look. "Wondering why my bed is cold."

Adrian let out a sigh. "Sorry. I…couldn't sleep."

Zevran stepped closer, using the moonlight to get a better look at the Warden. The man looked haggard, worn out; and if Zevran didn't know better he would almost think that he had been…_crying_. Which did not fit Adrian's usually cheerful attitude.

Sitting down on the log next to Adrian, Zevran gently laid a hand on his shoulder. "What is wrong, my Warden?"

Adrian shook his head, his shoulders slumping slightly. "It's nothing." He ran a hand through his hair. "Nothing," he repeated when he saw the look of doubt on Zevran's face.

Zevran reached up and brushed a lock of Adrian's hair back behind his ear. "You are sitting in the woods in the middle of the night, and you expect me to believe that nothing is wrong?" He gently stroked the warrior's cheek. "Tell me."

Adrian leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and covered his face with a hand. "You wouldn't understand."

"Perhaps not," Zevran shrugged in agreement, "but you can still tell me."

Adrian sighed and gave the assassin a pained smile. "I appreciate the thought Zev, I really do. But you don't have to pretend to…" he trailed off. "I know you hate talking about feelings and stuff."

Zevran was surprised to find that he was actually a little hurt. True, he was not one to talk openly about such personal things, but to have Adrian say it aloud made him feel as if the man didn't think he would even _care_.

He combed his fingers through Adrian's hair again. "Just because I do not talk about my own feelings, _amore_, does not mean I do not care about _yours_."

Several long moments passed in silence. Zevran finally got up to leave, thinking that the Warden no longer wished for his company, when Adrian cleared his throat.

"I miss my mother," he said in a harsh whisper.

_Ah._ Zevran sat back down. He had heard the story of course—they all had. Of Howe's betrayal, which led to the slaughter of Adrian's entire family. When he had told the party about that night, his voice had been cold, lifeless—anger and sorrow twisting his face into something unrecognizable from the usually lighthearted Warden that they all knew. It was not an expression Zevran ever wanted to see on his face again.

Zevran was at a loss as to how to continue. He considered Adrian to be a friend, strange as it felt to call someone that, but he had no idea how to offer comfort. It was not something the Crows taught their recruits after all, and he could not recall anyone having ever comforted _him_.

Nevertheless, he felt that he had to at least try. He took up one of Adrian's hands in his own, squeezing it gently. "What was she like?"

Adrian looked over at him, his expression unreadable. His features softened after a moment, apparently accepting that Zevran was being sincere.

"She was beautiful," he said, a soft smile curving his lips, "eyes that glittered like emeralds. She had an air about her, poised and…elegant. She was the kindest person I've ever met, and my best friend.

"Fergus was my father's son through and through," he smiled sadly, lost in his memories. "He shared Father's passion for hunting and sword fighting. I preferred spending my time with my mother, discussing books or practicing archery. I wasn't a warrior like my brother, or a leader," a frown creased his mouth, "he should be here, not me."

Zevran had never met Fergus Cousland, but he had no doubt in his mind that Adrian was the one that should be here. The man was a natural leader, even if he didn't realize it. Who else could have kept this band of misfits together without killing each other?

"My mother was the one person I could be myself with, and she never judged me. Around everyone else I was supposed to be strong and brave_—manly—_but not with her." He sighed. "If I was upset and needed to cry, she let me. If I fell down, she'd pick me back up. I could show weakness around her and not be ashamed."

Zevran started at that statement, surprised. "There is no shame in showing weakness, _amore_. Everyone is weak from time to time."

Adrian let out a bitter laugh. "Like right now? Look at me Zev. The 'Mighty Grey Warden', gatherer of armies, defeater of the Blight…_wants his mommy."_ He snorted self-derisively. "Are you really telling me that's not pathetic?"

"Yes," Zevran replied shortly, "that is exactly what I'm telling you." His words came out harsher than he'd intended, and he immediately felt bad. He just couldn't understand how Adrian could be so blind.

Moving closer, Zevran reached up and stretched an arm across Adrian's shoulders. "Warden. Do you truly believe that you are the first leader to doubt himself?"

Adrian shrugged, but didn't answer. Zevran was content to wait until he was ready to speak again.

"It's just so hard sometimes," Adrian whispered, and this time there was no mistaking the twin lines of moisture slowly trailing down the Warden's face. "Everyone looks to me for guidance, they expect me to take care of them. But there's no one…there's no one to—"

Suddenly Zevran understood, and he could have kicked himself for his blindness. All of them, at one time or another had asked Adrian for help—to look up a lost sister, to find a sword, to fix their problems—and how many of them had asked Adrian if _he_ needed anything? Zevran certainly hadn't.

"There is no one to take care of you?" Zevran asked softly.

A pause, and then Adrian nodded wordlessly. "It's stupid, I know. I can handle it most of the time, really, it's just…I guess it's just that now that my mother's gone, there isn't anyone to pick me back up if I fall."

Zevran was at a loss. He wanted to comfort Adrian, to tell the man all the things he needed to hear, but he didn't know how. Words had never been his strong suit. So he decided to offer comfort the only way he knew how.

He leaned over and brushed his lips against Adrian's. "Come back to bed _amore_, it is too cold out here." He stood up, tugging on the Warden's hand. Again, Adrian gave him that unreadable look, but he nodded and stood up. Still holding hands, Zevran guided him back to camp.

Once they were back in the tent, Zevran wrapped arms around Adrian, gently drawing the man's head to his shoulder. Zevran felt Adrian's own arms come up to wrap around his waist, and they stood there, just holding each other, for several moments.

Finally pulling back, Adrian looked into Zevran's eyes. "Zev, you don't have to—"

"Shh, _amore_," Zevran smiled at him, "I may not be able to solve your problems, but I can at least provide you with some pleasure." Adrian smiled softly at that, seeming to accept Zevran's offer for what it was.

Zevran cupped Adrian's face in both hands, and leaned in to kiss him. The kiss was gentle and unhurried, both reveling in the taste of each other's lips and mouths. He slid his hands under Adrian's shirt and pulled it up over his head. Slowly his kisses trailed from lips to jaw to neck, all the while mapping the nobleman's broad chest with his fingers.

He brushed one of Adrian's nipples with his thumb while laving the other with his tongue. Lower and lower his kisses trailed until he was kneeling before the Warden.

Smiling to himself, he leaned in and used his teeth to undo the tie on Adrian's breeches, which caused the man to laugh. Sufficiently loosened, he eased the trousers down the Warden's legs, encouraging Adrian to step out of them completely.

Adrian's breath hitched as Zevran wrapped his lips around his length, swirling his tongue around the tip. He felt fingers tightening in his hair as he used his tongue and lips to bring Adrian to climax. Zevran eagerly swallowed his release, until the man was completely spent.

Zevran looked up into Adrian's eyes, and saw only desire burning there—all traces of sadness having fled. Smiling in satisfaction, he tugged the nobleman down to his knees and kissed him tenderly. He gently pushed Adrian back on the bedroll, then divested himself of his clothing while the Warden reached for the oil Zevran kept in his pack.

Zevran coated his fingers with oil before pressing one digit into Adrian's entrance. He slowly eased his finger in and out before adding a second. When Adrian's hips began rocking forward to meet his thrusts Zevran pressed even deeper, looking for _that spot_. Adrian's gasp of pleasure told Zevran he had aimed true and after a few more thrusts he withdrew his fingers.

He smoothed more oil onto his erection and then paused a moment, drinking in the sight before him: the Warden spread out naked beneath him, panting with pleasure. He bent down and kissed the man before whispering in his ear, "You are so beautiful, _amore_."

Adrian's soft laugh turned into a moan as Zevran pressed inside him. Zevran continued pressing forward until he was fully seated inside the man, then he pulled back almost completely. He set a slow, steady rhythm, his groans of pleasure mixed with Adrian's.

"Zev," Adrian moaned, pressing his nails into Zevran's backside to pull him closer, "please, _faster_."

Zevran chuckled. "Your wish is my command." He wrapped his arms around Adrian's hips to change the angle of his thrusts and began to pick up the pace.

Adrian's moans became louder as his hips writhed, each thrust hitting that spot inside of him. He wrapped his hand around his own erection and began pumping in time with Zevran's thrusts.

Crying out Zevran's name Adrian reached release, spilling his seed on his stomach. The feeling of the Warden tightening around Zevran's length drove him over the edge and he came with a loud groan.

Adrian twined his hands behind Zevran's head and pulled him down for a heady kiss that left both of them panting. Zevran slowly eased the two of them apart and stretched out next to the Warden, wrapping his arms around the man.

Adrian sighed contentedly, and nuzzled Zevran's neck. "Thank you," he whispered, "I'm glad you're with me."

Zevran laughed lightly and hugged Adrian tighter. "I am here for you, _amore_, any time you need me." He let several minutes go by until he was sure Adrian had fallen asleep before whispering into his ear: "And I will catch you if you fall."


End file.
